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Thursday, January 19, 2012
Life recently is really very bad. Some people do ask me how how is my preparation for Chinese New Year. Not that i am angry but just at a lost of words.
Chinese New Year was always a festival which i really look forward. Because there will be a reunion dinner with my family. That will be the only time my parents will spent so much money on real quality food on the Eve of Chinese New Year. =( What is my family going to do when people having their steam boat, visiting one another during Chinese New Year.
Will my dad be celebrating cny with my grandparents too? Misses him so much.... Really hate myself for not treasuring his presence when he was around. The atmosphere is so different without him around. =(
Work is also very bad too. A very Steep learning curve doing consolidation. Further more, really busy doing annual reporting . So many requirements for listed company. if he is still around, he definitely will ask me how is my work or he will tell me to quit and look for another job if he see me still working at this hour. Dad, i just wanna tell you i am sorry for neglecting you and hope you forgive me..... Hope you dun forget me.......................
I really miss you!
Love you
Your Daughter
~7:21 AM
* * *
~9:49 PM
* * *
Still hard to accept the excruciating fact that you have actually left us. Sometimes i just wish that everything is just a dream.
My days were definitely not any better without u being around.
If i am given a choice, what i would say to my father ? "Dad, I really miss you. I love you. I know that you knew how I loved you. I just wish that I told you more often."
Talking about his death isn't as hard as remembering him: his antics, laugh, joys, pleasures. Whenever i think of any of these, i am overcome with emotions and become stuck in a state of bitter anguish. Sometimes i will become secluded or hide every feeling and emotion for days on end. I am not sure when i will be able to get over this nor am i sure i ever will.
13 days later will be er jie wedding, how i wish u will be there. I know you had been waiting for this day but .... .... .... Its all fated ! life is so unpredictable. Felt rather sad and have no one i can turn too. People around me kept telling me time will heal the pain. But how long? What am i suppose to do when i really miss you ?
All i hope is you coming to my dream to tell me how is your new life? All you leading a better life?
~5:50 AM
* * *
13 days after my dad had left us. No words can describe my agony. Ever since he left. other than going to work i will cope myself at home as i really dont wish to talk to anyone including my family members. i cant let them know how sad am i as i know this will make them even more sad.
Why Why Why ? Why does god take my love one away. I really wish he is here right now. To listen to how had i been coping in my new company. I still remembered he will tell me not to work too hard and have enough sleep when he see me waking up at 3 am to work. But now i cant hear his voice or feel his existence anymore. He love coffee. He love meat and hate vegetables. He is noisy. He is stubborn. He may look huge but he is sympathetic.
I miss him terribly. Why does human only start to regret when they lost their love ones?
I am not a filial daughter. I did not take any leave to accompany him for any medical appointment, i spent most of my time working, going out with friends and boyfriend , i had yet to bring him oversea to enjoy, i did not buy things he like. By giving him monthly allowance i thought is more than enough. But now i realised i am WRONG. I am such a bitch.
Whenever i lied on your bed, all memories seems to come into my mind. Tears start rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. The only thing which i can do now when i missed you is to look at you photo. DAD DAD DAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY MISS YOU SO MUCH SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~2:31 AM
* * *
I faced loss the hardest at 25 when my dad died of vascular disease. It happened fast from the time the doctor told us they have to either amputate his right leg or a loss of his life. It took him 1 day before he left us.
I still remember the day we found out. He was suddenly transferred to ICU after a bypass operation. He was recovering speedily. But god was not on his side. He got this sudden vascular disease within a split second and was sent to ICU immediately. We waited outside the ICU. The doctor came to us and invited to a conference room and told us he was in a critical stage and has to have his right leg amputated as his leg was "dead" Soon i realise why he had been complaining pain for past few days. Was due to this disease which the doctor couldnt even detect it at an early stage.
I still remembered when he told us he would want a full body if one day he has to make a choice to choose to survive or lose any part of his body.
We called his siblings to rush to the hospital immediately. I messaged my sister who was in Bangkok and decided to book a ticket for her return.
Finally, all of us decided to let him go. I couldnt accept the fact. Everything is so sudden. I have yet to say what i had been feeling towards him. He was uncouscious at that point of time. But i could see his eyes were wet. He cried..................... I decided to ask the doctor to make him conscious so that we could say our last words to him. My eldest sis broke the news to him and told him we have decided to let him go and he nodded his head. Even if he were to go for the amputation, he only had a 50% survival rate which he did not even have the determination to live on if he were to discovered that one of his leg were amputated.
My family and I stayed that night with him in the ICU. It was very hard to let go of him. It was the first major loss i had experienced. My heart ached. I missed him terribly. I have trouble understanding he is gone. Till now i couldn't accept the fact.
~10:24 PM
* * *
Time flies and i had been with pwc for more than 4 years.
Couldn't believe that i had tendered and left the firm. My very first company i had since i graduated from polytechnic.
~8:11 AM
* * *
Today is a bad day .
Feeling so unhappy that my boyfriend just don't take the effort to visit my dad at all. This is the second time we quarrelled over the same issue. Somehow feel that the old guy which i knew no longer exist. Well human changed isn't it ? He is becoming more selfish and no longer that caring. Whenever we meet, he will tell me "this month very poor" well he is just trying to tell me not to spent too much.
Feel really sad today. Met him at bishan for dinner and intended to go for a movie. But ended up that he left me there alone. Miserably, walk around for an hour and left the mall. Feeling so heart ache. I swear the feeling really suck when someone just walked off and left you alone.
Happened to see some photographs which i hardly took with some friends and decided to upload it.
Ok i am not trying to say i am the best in the world. I am just trying to pour my agony and hoping to forget it tomorrow.
~7:55 AM
* * *
Life recently is really very bad. Some people do ask me how how is my preparation for Chinese New Year. Not that i am angry but just at a lost of words.
Chinese New Year was always a festival which i really look forward. Because there will be a reunion dinner with my family. That will be the only time my parents will spent so much money on real quality food on the Eve of Chinese New Year. =( What is my family going to do when people having their steam boat, visiting one another during Chinese New Year.
Will my dad be celebrating cny with my grandparents too? Misses him so much.... Really hate myself for not treasuring his presence when he was around. The atmosphere is so different without him around. =(
Work is also very bad too. A very Steep learning curve doing consolidation. Further more, really busy doing annual reporting . So many requirements for listed company. if he is still around, he definitely will ask me how is my work or he will tell me to quit and look for another job if he see me still working at this hour. Dad, i just wanna tell you i am sorry for neglecting you and hope you forgive me..... Hope you dun forget me.......................
I really miss you!
Love you
Your Daughter
* * *
Saturday, January 14, 2012
* * *
Monday, October 17, 2011
Still hard to accept the excruciating fact that you have actually left us. Sometimes i just wish that everything is just a dream.
My days were definitely not any better without u being around.
If i am given a choice, what i would say to my father ? "Dad, I really miss you. I love you. I know that you knew how I loved you. I just wish that I told you more often."
Talking about his death isn't as hard as remembering him: his antics, laugh, joys, pleasures. Whenever i think of any of these, i am overcome with emotions and become stuck in a state of bitter anguish. Sometimes i will become secluded or hide every feeling and emotion for days on end. I am not sure when i will be able to get over this nor am i sure i ever will.
13 days later will be er jie wedding, how i wish u will be there. I know you had been waiting for this day but .... .... .... Its all fated ! life is so unpredictable. Felt rather sad and have no one i can turn too. People around me kept telling me time will heal the pain. But how long? What am i suppose to do when i really miss you ?
All i hope is you coming to my dream to tell me how is your new life? All you leading a better life?
* * *
Sunday, October 9, 2011
13 days after my dad had left us. No words can describe my agony. Ever since he left. other than going to work i will cope myself at home as i really dont wish to talk to anyone including my family members. i cant let them know how sad am i as i know this will make them even more sad.
Why Why Why ? Why does god take my love one away. I really wish he is here right now. To listen to how had i been coping in my new company. I still remembered he will tell me not to work too hard and have enough sleep when he see me waking up at 3 am to work. But now i cant hear his voice or feel his existence anymore. He love coffee. He love meat and hate vegetables. He is noisy. He is stubborn. He may look huge but he is sympathetic.
I miss him terribly. Why does human only start to regret when they lost their love ones?
I am not a filial daughter. I did not take any leave to accompany him for any medical appointment, i spent most of my time working, going out with friends and boyfriend , i had yet to bring him oversea to enjoy, i did not buy things he like. By giving him monthly allowance i thought is more than enough. But now i realised i am WRONG. I am such a bitch.
Whenever i lied on your bed, all memories seems to come into my mind. Tears start rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. The only thing which i can do now when i missed you is to look at you photo. DAD DAD DAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY MISS YOU SO MUCH SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* * *
Friday, October 7, 2011
I faced loss the hardest at 25 when my dad died of vascular disease. It happened fast from the time the doctor told us they have to either amputate his right leg or a loss of his life. It took him 1 day before he left us.
I still remember the day we found out. He was suddenly transferred to ICU after a bypass operation. He was recovering speedily. But god was not on his side. He got this sudden vascular disease within a split second and was sent to ICU immediately. We waited outside the ICU. The doctor came to us and invited to a conference room and told us he was in a critical stage and has to have his right leg amputated as his leg was "dead" Soon i realise why he had been complaining pain for past few days. Was due to this disease which the doctor couldnt even detect it at an early stage.
I still remembered when he told us he would want a full body if one day he has to make a choice to choose to survive or lose any part of his body.
We called his siblings to rush to the hospital immediately. I messaged my sister who was in Bangkok and decided to book a ticket for her return.
Finally, all of us decided to let him go. I couldnt accept the fact. Everything is so sudden. I have yet to say what i had been feeling towards him. He was uncouscious at that point of time. But i could see his eyes were wet. He cried..................... I decided to ask the doctor to make him conscious so that we could say our last words to him. My eldest sis broke the news to him and told him we have decided to let him go and he nodded his head. Even if he were to go for the amputation, he only had a 50% survival rate which he did not even have the determination to live on if he were to discovered that one of his leg were amputated.
My family and I stayed that night with him in the ICU. It was very hard to let go of him. It was the first major loss i had experienced. My heart ached. I missed him terribly. I have trouble understanding he is gone. Till now i couldn't accept the fact.
* * *
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Time flies and i had been with pwc for more than 4 years.
Couldn't believe that i had tendered and left the firm. My very first company i had since i graduated from polytechnic.
* * *
Today is a bad day .
Feeling so unhappy that my boyfriend just don't take the effort to visit my dad at all. This is the second time we quarrelled over the same issue. Somehow feel that the old guy which i knew no longer exist. Well human changed isn't it ? He is becoming more selfish and no longer that caring. Whenever we meet, he will tell me "this month very poor" well he is just trying to tell me not to spent too much.
Feel really sad today. Met him at bishan for dinner and intended to go for a movie. But ended up that he left me there alone. Miserably, walk around for an hour and left the mall. Feeling so heart ache. I swear the feeling really suck when someone just walked off and left you alone.
Happened to see some photographs which i hardly took with some friends and decided to upload it.
Ok i am not trying to say i am the best in the world. I am just trying to pour my agony and hoping to forget it tomorrow.
* * *
About me:
Hey this is my homepage, so I have to say something about myself. Sometimes it is hard to introduce yourself because you know yourself so well that you do not know where to start with.
Let me give a try to see what kind of image you have about me through my self-description. I hope that my impression about myself and your impression about me are not so different. Here it goes.
There are many things I like to do, to see, and to experience. I like to read, I like to write; I like to think, I like to dream; I like to talk, I like to listen.
I like to feel the music flowing on my face, I like to look at the clouds in the sky with a blank mind, I like to do thought experiment when I cannot sleep in the middle of the night.
I like to sleep early, I like to get up late; I like to be alone, I like to be surrounded by people.
I like delicious food and comfortable shoes; I like good books and romantic movies,I like people. And, I like to laugh.
I always wanted to be a great investors like Warrent Buffet, Benjamin Graham who are one of the most successful investor in the world and have influence millions of people in the world.
But my dreams is still alive.
This is a brief introduction of myself.
Memory Lane:
- Life recently is really very bad. Some people do a...
- Fear of cny is approaching. memories of being with...
- 3 weeks since you had left and to be exact, 21 day...
- 13 days after my dad had left us. No words c...
- I did not know where to start. Many of us experien...
- I really miss my batch
- Today is a bad day . Feeling so unhappy that my ...
- Friday Nite . .. .
- I feel so proud of myself as i did not watch any ...
- One week break
Trace Back:
- June 2007
- July 2007
- August 2007
- September 2007
- October 2007
- November 2007
- December 2007
- January 2008
- February 2008
- March 2008
- April 2008
- May 2008
- June 2008
- July 2008
- August 2008
- September 2008
- October 2008
- December 2008
- January 2009
- March 2009
- May 2009
- June 2009
- August 2009
- September 2009
- October 2009
- November 2009
- December 2009
- March 2010
- July 2010
- December 2010
- February 2011
- March 2011
- May 2011
- June 2011
- August 2011
- September 2011
- October 2011
- January 2012
Yiling
sharlin
vivian
Roselind
Lingyu
Katherine
Doris
Pearlyn
Isabel
Boxiong
Eunice
Joreen
Special thanks:
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