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Wednesday, September 10, 2014
I haven logged in to my blog for almost two years. These two years had been a really hard year for me. Two years ago I was mourning for my dad who passed away due to sudden discovered of vascular diseases. Two years later it was my mum who passed on due to lung cancer. It has been a really difficult year for my family and I. We really went through a lot. The excruciating pain came from seeing her getting weaker as each day pass by. Who will really understand that kind of pain we had been undergoing. There are too many sad memories that I really don't know where to start off with. Frankly, is only my own family that can really understand the kind of pain we had been going through during this period of time.
Through this, we begin to understand the what is the real relatives we had been contacting. Many of them are really selfish who considered themselves more than anything.
I couldn't forget on the last third day before my mum passed on, we contacted her relatives to come to visit her. Many came to bid their last goodbye. But sadly, I know many came for a reason too. They came for the sake of showing up their faces. They were afraid of being gossiped for not turning up. Some came but were busy watching TV programme and some were busy complain and tell one another how busy their life were. Frankly, my heart was really really shattered when I see one after another coming with no insincerity at all. I begin to doubt all man kinds. Do everyone do anything for a reason? Do we also love for a reason because we are afraid of being alone down the road?
Of course, there are two person I really thankful with. They are my godparents. I really can feel their heart for my mum. They keep calling my mum and touched her. Thanks godparents, because It really mean a lot to us. At least I know that in this world there are still kind people around.
My mum had passed on for almost four months. Frankly I still miss her as much as before. I know that in this world only your family members treat u with their heart. I really really miss her . I have so much to tell her what is happening to my life that I have no one to turn too . I am really hurt by relationship, humans inconsiderate words. I don't what should I do. =(
~6:30 AM
* * *
Grief is never totally dissolved. Never expect to wake up one morning and expect you did before your loss. This is absolutely impossible. Many people are often fooled by "time heals all wounds" Does that really mean that in one year, or two or five, that you will not miss your loved one or feel the pain his absence ? i don't think so.
Certain reminders of your loved one is inevitable, especially on birthdays or anniversaries and it can ambush you, suddenly flooding in with emotions. Even memorial celebration for others or when you hear a song that your loss liked so much can trigger the familiar pain and sadness of your loss.
Though you are no longer by my side but i still wanna wish you " HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD"
~6:45 AM
* * *
Ok let me start off with some happy ones. My younger sis has finally graduated from her Diploma and she just got herself a job as HR Assistant in one of a recruitment agency. Dad, all your daughters are now earning money n0w. It is finally time the time for us to pay back to what you have given us all these while. It is really so devastating and heartbreaking to come home without you calling my name and make fun of me. The home is so forever so quiet without you around. Sometimes after work, i am really at lost. I do not know where can i go after work. But i know my mum is waiting for me at home.
Secondly, my boyfriend has finally come out from the airforce and become a full time property agent. Hopefully he can really succeed in this line .
Life is still the same for me. Being an accountant in one of the small listed Company. Sad to say i still cant really mingle much with them. Hmmm.. always find it so hard to blend in the topic with them. Sometimes really drag myself to work. Especially when you direct boss is someone who is really temperamental. Keep asking myself what do i want for my future but i just couldn't know what i really want.
~8:09 AM
* * *
Chinese New Year was always a festival which i really look forward. Because there will be a reunion dinner with my family. That will be the only time my parents will spent so much money on real quality food on the Eve of Chinese New Year. =( What is my family going to do when people having their steam boat, visiting one another during Chinese New Year.
Will my dad be celebrating cny with my grandparents too? Misses him so much.... Really hate myself for not treasuring his presence when he was around. The atmosphere is so different without him around. =(
Work is also very bad too. A very Steep learning curve doing consolidation. Further more, really busy doing annual reporting . So many requirements for listed company. if he is still around, he definitely will ask me how is my work or he will tell me to quit and look for another job if he see me still working at this hour. Dad, i just wanna tell you i am sorry for neglecting you and hope you forgive me..... Hope you dun forget me.......................
I really miss you!
Love you
Your Daughter
~7:21 AM
* * *
~9:49 PM
* * *
Still hard to accept the excruciating fact that you have actually left us. Sometimes i just wish that everything is just a dream.
My days were definitely not any better without u being around.
If i am given a choice, what i would say to my father ? "Dad, I really miss you. I love you. I know that you knew how I loved you. I just wish that I told you more often."
Talking about his death isn't as hard as remembering him: his antics, laugh, joys, pleasures. Whenever i think of any of these, i am overcome with emotions and become stuck in a state of bitter anguish. Sometimes i will become secluded or hide every feeling and emotion for days on end. I am not sure when i will be able to get over this nor am i sure i ever will.
13 days later will be er jie wedding, how i wish u will be there. I know you had been waiting for this day but .... .... .... Its all fated ! life is so unpredictable. Felt rather sad and have no one i can turn too. People around me kept telling me time will heal the pain. But how long? What am i suppose to do when i really miss you ?
All i hope is you coming to my dream to tell me how is your new life? All you leading a better life?
~5:50 AM
* * *
13 days after my dad had left us. No words can describe my agony. Ever since he left. other than going to work i will cope myself at home as i really dont wish to talk to anyone including my family members. i cant let them know how sad am i as i know this will make them even more sad.
Why Why Why ? Why does god take my love one away. I really wish he is here right now. To listen to how had i been coping in my new company. I still remembered he will tell me not to work too hard and have enough sleep when he see me waking up at 3 am to work. But now i cant hear his voice or feel his existence anymore. He love coffee. He love meat and hate vegetables. He is noisy. He is stubborn. He may look huge but he is sympathetic.
I miss him terribly. Why does human only start to regret when they lost their love ones?
I am not a filial daughter. I did not take any leave to accompany him for any medical appointment, i spent most of my time working, going out with friends and boyfriend , i had yet to bring him oversea to enjoy, i did not buy things he like. By giving him monthly allowance i thought is more than enough. But now i realised i am WRONG. I am such a bitch.
Whenever i lied on your bed, all memories seems to come into my mind. Tears start rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. The only thing which i can do now when i missed you is to look at you photo. DAD DAD DAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY MISS YOU SO MUCH SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~2:31 AM
* * *
I haven logged in to my blog for almost two years. These two years had been a really hard year for me. Two years ago I was mourning for my dad who passed away due to sudden discovered of vascular diseases. Two years later it was my mum who passed on due to lung cancer. It has been a really difficult year for my family and I. We really went through a lot. The excruciating pain came from seeing her getting weaker as each day pass by. Who will really understand that kind of pain we had been undergoing. There are too many sad memories that I really don't know where to start off with. Frankly, is only my own family that can really understand the kind of pain we had been going through during this period of time.
Through this, we begin to understand the what is the real relatives we had been contacting. Many of them are really selfish who considered themselves more than anything.
I couldn't forget on the last third day before my mum passed on, we contacted her relatives to come to visit her. Many came to bid their last goodbye. But sadly, I know many came for a reason too. They came for the sake of showing up their faces. They were afraid of being gossiped for not turning up. Some came but were busy watching TV programme and some were busy complain and tell one another how busy their life were. Frankly, my heart was really really shattered when I see one after another coming with no insincerity at all. I begin to doubt all man kinds. Do everyone do anything for a reason? Do we also love for a reason because we are afraid of being alone down the road?
Of course, there are two person I really thankful with. They are my godparents. I really can feel their heart for my mum. They keep calling my mum and touched her. Thanks godparents, because It really mean a lot to us. At least I know that in this world there are still kind people around.
My mum had passed on for almost four months. Frankly I still miss her as much as before. I know that in this world only your family members treat u with their heart. I really really miss her . I have so much to tell her what is happening to my life that I have no one to turn too . I am really hurt by relationship, humans inconsiderate words. I don't what should I do. =(
* * *
Monday, August 13, 2012
Grief is never totally dissolved. Never expect to wake up one morning and expect you did before your loss. This is absolutely impossible. Many people are often fooled by "time heals all wounds" Does that really mean that in one year, or two or five, that you will not miss your loved one or feel the pain his absence ? i don't think so.
Certain reminders of your loved one is inevitable, especially on birthdays or anniversaries and it can ambush you, suddenly flooding in with emotions. Even memorial celebration for others or when you hear a song that your loss liked so much can trigger the familiar pain and sadness of your loss.
Though you are no longer by my side but i still wanna wish you " HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD"
* * *
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Ok let me start off with some happy ones. My younger sis has finally graduated from her Diploma and she just got herself a job as HR Assistant in one of a recruitment agency. Dad, all your daughters are now earning money n0w. It is finally time the time for us to pay back to what you have given us all these while. It is really so devastating and heartbreaking to come home without you calling my name and make fun of me. The home is so forever so quiet without you around. Sometimes after work, i am really at lost. I do not know where can i go after work. But i know my mum is waiting for me at home.
Secondly, my boyfriend has finally come out from the airforce and become a full time property agent. Hopefully he can really succeed in this line .
Life is still the same for me. Being an accountant in one of the small listed Company. Sad to say i still cant really mingle much with them. Hmmm.. always find it so hard to blend in the topic with them. Sometimes really drag myself to work. Especially when you direct boss is someone who is really temperamental. Keep asking myself what do i want for my future but i just couldn't know what i really want.
* * *
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Chinese New Year was always a festival which i really look forward. Because there will be a reunion dinner with my family. That will be the only time my parents will spent so much money on real quality food on the Eve of Chinese New Year. =( What is my family going to do when people having their steam boat, visiting one another during Chinese New Year.
Will my dad be celebrating cny with my grandparents too? Misses him so much.... Really hate myself for not treasuring his presence when he was around. The atmosphere is so different without him around. =(
Work is also very bad too. A very Steep learning curve doing consolidation. Further more, really busy doing annual reporting . So many requirements for listed company. if he is still around, he definitely will ask me how is my work or he will tell me to quit and look for another job if he see me still working at this hour. Dad, i just wanna tell you i am sorry for neglecting you and hope you forgive me..... Hope you dun forget me.......................
I really miss you!
Love you
Your Daughter
* * *
Saturday, January 14, 2012
* * *
Monday, October 17, 2011
Still hard to accept the excruciating fact that you have actually left us. Sometimes i just wish that everything is just a dream.
My days were definitely not any better without u being around.
If i am given a choice, what i would say to my father ? "Dad, I really miss you. I love you. I know that you knew how I loved you. I just wish that I told you more often."
Talking about his death isn't as hard as remembering him: his antics, laugh, joys, pleasures. Whenever i think of any of these, i am overcome with emotions and become stuck in a state of bitter anguish. Sometimes i will become secluded or hide every feeling and emotion for days on end. I am not sure when i will be able to get over this nor am i sure i ever will.
13 days later will be er jie wedding, how i wish u will be there. I know you had been waiting for this day but .... .... .... Its all fated ! life is so unpredictable. Felt rather sad and have no one i can turn too. People around me kept telling me time will heal the pain. But how long? What am i suppose to do when i really miss you ?
All i hope is you coming to my dream to tell me how is your new life? All you leading a better life?
* * *
Sunday, October 9, 2011
13 days after my dad had left us. No words can describe my agony. Ever since he left. other than going to work i will cope myself at home as i really dont wish to talk to anyone including my family members. i cant let them know how sad am i as i know this will make them even more sad.
Why Why Why ? Why does god take my love one away. I really wish he is here right now. To listen to how had i been coping in my new company. I still remembered he will tell me not to work too hard and have enough sleep when he see me waking up at 3 am to work. But now i cant hear his voice or feel his existence anymore. He love coffee. He love meat and hate vegetables. He is noisy. He is stubborn. He may look huge but he is sympathetic.
I miss him terribly. Why does human only start to regret when they lost their love ones?
I am not a filial daughter. I did not take any leave to accompany him for any medical appointment, i spent most of my time working, going out with friends and boyfriend , i had yet to bring him oversea to enjoy, i did not buy things he like. By giving him monthly allowance i thought is more than enough. But now i realised i am WRONG. I am such a bitch.
Whenever i lied on your bed, all memories seems to come into my mind. Tears start rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. The only thing which i can do now when i missed you is to look at you photo. DAD DAD DAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY MISS YOU SO MUCH SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* * *
About me:
Hey this is my homepage, so I have to say something about myself. Sometimes it is hard to introduce yourself because you know yourself so well that you do not know where to start with.
Let me give a try to see what kind of image you have about me through my self-description. I hope that my impression about myself and your impression about me are not so different. Here it goes.
There are many things I like to do, to see, and to experience. I like to read, I like to write; I like to think, I like to dream; I like to talk, I like to listen.
I like to feel the music flowing on my face, I like to look at the clouds in the sky with a blank mind, I like to do thought experiment when I cannot sleep in the middle of the night.
I like to sleep early, I like to get up late; I like to be alone, I like to be surrounded by people.
I like delicious food and comfortable shoes; I like good books and romantic movies,I like people. And, I like to laugh.
I always wanted to be a great investors like Warrent Buffet, Benjamin Graham who are one of the most successful investor in the world and have influence millions of people in the world.
But my dreams is still alive.
This is a brief introduction of myself.
Memory Lane:
- I haven logged in to my blog for almost two years....
- The word anniversary takes on a whole new meaning ...
- Been quite sometime ever since i start blogging. W...
- Life recently is really very bad. Some people do a...
- Fear of cny is approaching. memories of being with...
- 3 weeks since you had left and to be exact, 21 day...
- 13 days after my dad had left us. No words can des...
- I did not know where to start. Many of us experien...
- I really miss my batch
- Today is a bad day .Feeling so unhappy that my boy...
Trace Back:
- June 2007
- July 2007
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- January 2012
- March 2012
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- September 2014
Yiling
sharlin
vivian
Roselind
Lingyu
Katherine
Doris
Pearlyn
Isabel
Boxiong
Eunice
Joreen
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